DARK An existential / surrealist piece that deals with human ability to make choices or give themselves over to structured and choice informing religion.
ANTI PANTO 0.5 Contributor to production that was a political satire on the state of Zimbabwe at the end of 2000.
BORN AFRICAN Contributor to script that dealt with the human reality of social/economic and racial issues in Zimbabwe around the time of the 2002 Elections in that country.
1972 9 pounds and screaming - continues to do the same for next three years.
1975 Translate Homer’s “Illiad” into baby speak for 3 year olds.
1976 Donates half his brain to the Movement for a Free Switzerland.
1978 Attends Lancaster House “Talks on Talks” about the future of Rhodesia
1981 Panics after growing first pubic hair. Considers stealing his mothers’ tweezers and plucking it out.
1983 rejoices after growing second pubic hair.
1984 Discovers muddy island after perilous journey to the North. Names it England after consulting his ancestral spirits.
1985 Replaces heart, lungs and liver with that of a young man in preparation for late puberty and teens.
1987 Rediscovers England and re-names it Great Britain after discovering that the Goon Shows were made there.
1989 Completes schooling. Celebrates by translating 36 Shakespeare plays in to Urdu after drinking a bottle of cheap whiskey.
1990 - 1994 Attends Rhodes University. Prolific member of the Bengal Rifle Club: shoots 12 tigers and plays “The Dane” whilst whistling the tune to “Lawrence of Arabia”.
1994 Watches in wonder as South Africa frees itself from Apartheid. Applauds loudly but never receives a thank you letter from Nelson Mandela.
1995 Moves to Great Britain to become the Queen and Supreme Empress of all her Domains.
1996 leaves England in disgust after learning that it doesn’t have an empire anymore. Tries to become Absolute Monarch of America but gets lost in the Rocky Mountains whilst on way to his coronation.
1997 Returns to Zimbabwe. acts in several movies with Robert DeNiro, Anjelica Houston and Jean Reno. None of them turn up on set. Nor does he.
1998 Lives in Dublin for a year in a hole in the ground next to O’Connel Station from where he becomes instrumental in the Good Friday Agreement after winning a Guiness drinking competition with David Trimble and wee Martin McGinnis.
2000 Restores full brain after recovering it from a secret vault in the Banque Swisse. Asks the most beautiful woman in the world to marry him. Miraculously she agrees.
2001 Joins Over the Edge and hasn’t stopped laughing yet
ZELDA THE GREAT WHITE WITCH OF KARANGALAND PREDICTS…
This child of the stars has a future lined with love and gold. He will make Russian Presidents laugh, American Presidents shed genuine tears and African Presidents give back their loot. He will sail round the world donating clothes to the needy, food to the hungry, and Gin and Tonic to expatriate neo-colonialists dying of heat and an over abundance of underpaid servants. He will die in his lovers arms having rescued her from a pack of aliens who want to give them immortality.
FAVORITE QUOTES
“If you are twenty and you are not a communist, then you have no heart. If you are thirty and you are not a capitalist, then you have no brain.”
